Last week I started to hit a snag in my focus and weight loss. I had family come to visit and then this week I found myself drinking soda, ordering out more than I should and this all caused my body to actually shut down. I thought at first that I had food poisoning, but as day two of the chills, a low-grade fever and stomach issues comes to a close, I am convinced that this is either a bug or some combination of my poor choices. The thing is that my body has started to become addicted to healthy food, daily exercise and stimulation and all of those things get thrown off when I choose to eat something I shouldn't. "Why would you do that?" you ask. Quite simply, while my body loves healthy food, I still sometimes crave things like soda or sweets, not because my body asks for it, but because my brain still has an association with those foods and relaxing or feeling better.
Today as I sat down to write the blog once I finally felt like I had enough energy to do, I started tearing up realizing that the part of me that still associates food with comfort, also has held me back from so much in my life. I have several times told myself I couldn't do something or cancelled plans because I felt ashamed of what my body looked like. It has taken me months of therapy now, both with a therapist and soul searching on my own, to come to terms with the fact that I have used my weight to hold myself back. I have been afraid of failing in life for so long that I never actually went after what I wanted to do with my life. Since I was a little girl, I have always wanted to be a creative person that wrote books and possibly owned her own company and thought outside of the box. Somewhere along the way, I decided to play it safe, to not go after my dreams, and since everything in my being felt deprived due to this decision, I ate badly and did not exercise so that I would have an excuse. I know that this sounds crazy and it kinda is. I have been hiding behind my weight for eight years. I have been telling myself that while I had this weight to focus on and unsuccessfully solve, I could not work on the other things that I wanted for myself and push myself to be the person I really want to be.
So I decided that I had two choices, I could either move forward doing things half way, like I always have with dieting, and expect a partial result or I could do what I have never forced myself to do before, I could stop hiding. I have been spending the last couple of months gearing up for this moment, taking on multiple projects and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone, like I used to when I was young, and it was starting to feel really good. The moment I allowed myself to start to doubt it, I also allowed myself to slip up and my body forced me to pause and realize what I had done. So how am I going to cut out the crap and keep myself accountable?
1) Wake up a half hour earlier than usual everyday and, on the weekdays, read a little bit of my nutrition book (I am currently reading Immunity Foods) and, on weekends, either watch an episode of Extreme Weight Loss or read my nutrition book.
2) Along with #1, I will say my affirmations to myself every morning as I make my breakfast juice.
I have the power to do anything and be anyone.
I love myself more everyday for my renewed commitment to my health and happiness.
I am in control of my destiny and I will achieve my goals.
In short, I am awesome.
(That last one had some Barney Stinson inspiration and it's there to make me laugh and end off the affirmations on a fun note.)
3) Make it impossible for myself to not work out everyday. I luckily have a dog so Lily keeps me busy walking her three times a day, however, that is not going to be enough for the type of changes I want to see by the end of October. Today I rearranged part of my apartment so that I could fit my indoor cycling bike in my bedroom. Now I cannot wake up or even walk into my bedroom without seeing the bike and my workout ball. I have also made a deal with myself that when I watch any crappy television programs, I either have to be on the bike or working on my core on the ball.
(My view of the bike from my side of the bed.)
4) Take the time everyday to just pause and enjoy the process. Sometimes you can stress yourself out when you are working towards a challenging goal. My dog, Lily, reminded me of this today. Thanks to her and the amazing position of our apartment in NYC, I get to stop and "smell the roses" everyday.
(My beautiful doggy daughter, Lily, enjoying her off-leash time in Central Park.)
("Smelling the roses")
5) Finally I want to push myself to do something I would usually not do... I'm going to sign up to run a 5k (and then want to move onto a half marathon). I am going to sign up for the Color Run in Brooklyn in September which means I will need to start training immediately! I'm excited for my first ever athletic event during my adulthood.
So clearly this entry was not about eating out vegan-style or cooking/baking vegan, but I promise you will get that entry next week! Thank you for your support, as always, and I look forward to updating you on my progress next week!
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